What is feminism? I want to tell you what it is not. It is NOT the belief that women are superior to men. It is NOT believing that every achievement ever made by a male in the past is worthless. It is NOT the belief that activities like rough-housing, Nascar, football, or any number of traditionally "masculine" activities are stupid. Its NOT the belief that Christianity is stupid. And it is NOT the belief that women who are Christians, don't have premarital sex, and stay home with the children are stupid or backwards.
Feminism is about CHOICE! The point of feminism is that, whether a woman (or a man) stays at home, is the primary financial provider, is religious or not, has traditional views about the proper time to have sex or not, has kids or doesn't....each one of these choices is an equally valid choice.
If feminism is not about women being superior to men, you may ask, why don't I call myself an egalitarian? Honestly, it is a form of protest. It seems as though our entire culture, along with those cultures that came before us, have made a point of communicating both overtly and subtlety that men should avoid things that are "femine". Plus it does seem like we have all gone out of our way to paint feminism as this evil thing.
Lets take things point by point:
First, lets talk about women in the military. I have heard a number of people argue that women should not have all the same roles in the military that men have because of strength differences between men and women. First of all, assuming that statement is true, those are general differences. What we feminists would bring up is that an individual who happens to be a lady may have more than enough physical strength. Also, women can not only work out at gyms, but study martial arts. A woman who is a skilled martial artist can beat men relying on brute strength alone. Finally, a mixed-sex military has not hurt Israel for instance, so why would it be a problem for us?
I have heard people express concern about things like the toys our kids play with, the clothes they wear, and the tv shows they watch. There is an idea that men who do certain things for fun are less manly. Let us say that there is a child (male, female, transsexual, or transgender). Let us say that this child is raised to be the kind of person who is assertive, self-disciplined, hard-working, kind, capable of talking about what is bothering them when it is appropriate, and willing to stand up for people being bullied. If an individual is really this well rounded, if they are, as they say "a good person", does it really matter what tv shows they watch, or what toys they play with as children? I for instance do not like to watch sports. I don't have anything against anyone who does or think I am better than them, I just don't like it. If I posses all of the virtues listed above, am I really less of a man? Let us say someone is a "trekkie" or a "brony". If they have all of the virtues I listed above, do tv shows really make them inferior to other men? You know the expression "be a man"? Why not "be an adult" or "be a good person"?
Now lets deal with expectations for women.
There seems to be a stereotype about what a feminist woman looks like. She is typically depicted as an angry, pants-wearing person. Even if she sleeps with them, she does not trust men and lets them know what she thinks about them (and she has lots and lots of casual, pre-marital sex as well). If she is married to a man, she is married to a weakling who stays at home with the kids (unless she made the "evil" choice not to have them) she works to make money. But deep down, all she wants is to be swept off her feet by a stronger, "real" man who will leave her free to do what she truly wants deep down....what all women truly want apparently.....to be a stay at home mom. Oh, and she did not take her partner's last name.
First of all, most feminists are not angry, male-hating people who just want a stronger man. But that is not the main point (s) I want to make....
What is wrong with wearing pants? The point we feminists would make is that it doesn't matter if a woman wears a dress or wears pants. If she decides she wants to wear makeup, that's fine. But if she doesn't want to wear makeup, and/or cut her hair really short, that is an equally valid decision. There is no one "right" way to be a woman. And yet, it does feel like women who don't fawn over boys and makeup, women who don't have children, women who assert themselves when someone has wronged them...they are called "b----". (That brings up another point. It seems as though, subconsciously in many cases, we don't value assertiveness in our women, but teach them to be accommodating far more than we teach men to do so).
Next lets deal with sex. Contrary to what many people think, we feminists DON'T hate Christians with the opinion that a person should wait till they are married to have sex. There is no one central governing body of feminist philosophy that determines what all feminists believe on the subject. Some feminists are Christian and some are not, some believe premarital sex is ok, and some don't. The problem we have is when being a virgin becomes the most important thing a woman can be. Believing all people should wait to have sex till they are married? Cool. The rights of particular congregations and/or denominations/branch of Christianity or any other religion to kick people out for engaging in certain behaviors? That is, well, a right. However...
First of all, we don't like double standards that say it is, at worst, less bad for a man to have premarital sex than a woman. Secondly, if you believe premarital sex is wrong...what should the consequences be? Excommunication? Ok. That's the business of religious elders. But the rest of us? Do we get the right to bully women? To call them whores (there is no equivalent word in the English language that I know of for men who do the same things we call women whores for)? Should a girl be kicked out of her house or sent to reform school? If a girl or a woman has lots of other accomplishments under her belt, should the rest of us disregard those and stop being friends with a woman or girl who isn't a virgin? We feminists would say, no.
We would also argue that because beliefs about when the right time to have sex is are largely tied up with ones religious beliefs, it should be treated the same way we treat people converting to different religions. You wouldn't kick out your daughter for say, converting to a different religion or becoming an atheist,
right?
And to any men who wouldn't marry a girl because she wasn't a virgin...SHAME ON YOU!!! We feminists despise the notion that women have an extra responsibility to guard their virginity because "boys will be boys". As a man, to any man who tries to hide any amount of bad behavior behind the excuse of "I can't help it, I am a boy/man"...I say SUCK IT UP! Bothered that your wife is physically stronger than you, makes more money than you, or did not take your last name? DEAL WITH IT!
A word on the last point...I have heard a lot of criticisms of women who work and men who stay at home. Stuff like which partner works can only really be decided by the couple. They know what makes the most sense for their family financially. That is a decision best left to couples decide. AGAIN...ITS ALL ABOUT CHOICE, NOT A PARTICULAR LIFESTYLE! Some people say that if the man is the one who stays at home, children will be confused. If they are being raised with the virtues I have listed in this essay, if they are being molded into well-rounded, good people, I and my fellow feminists would argue it does not matter a whole lot.
Finally, I have heard some people talk about how men don't have many places any more where they can just "be men". How? What does it mean exactly to "be a man"? Are we talking about engaging in typically "masculine" activities? There are plenty of places to watch sports and to play in sports. A bunch of friends gathering to rough house? That is still acceptable. Men are not facing widespread employment discrimination. People can still gather with friends and talk about subjects that interest them. Again, what about men not interested in those typical interests? I admit that it feels like a lot of the complaints about how society is turning against men implies there is only one way to be a man, only one way to be a woman, and "womanly" things are just worth a little less than manly things.
Anyway, those are my thoughts? What do you think?
Lets take things point by point:
First, lets talk about women in the military. I have heard a number of people argue that women should not have all the same roles in the military that men have because of strength differences between men and women. First of all, assuming that statement is true, those are general differences. What we feminists would bring up is that an individual who happens to be a lady may have more than enough physical strength. Also, women can not only work out at gyms, but study martial arts. A woman who is a skilled martial artist can beat men relying on brute strength alone. Finally, a mixed-sex military has not hurt Israel for instance, so why would it be a problem for us?
I have heard people express concern about things like the toys our kids play with, the clothes they wear, and the tv shows they watch. There is an idea that men who do certain things for fun are less manly. Let us say that there is a child (male, female, transsexual, or transgender). Let us say that this child is raised to be the kind of person who is assertive, self-disciplined, hard-working, kind, capable of talking about what is bothering them when it is appropriate, and willing to stand up for people being bullied. If an individual is really this well rounded, if they are, as they say "a good person", does it really matter what tv shows they watch, or what toys they play with as children? I for instance do not like to watch sports. I don't have anything against anyone who does or think I am better than them, I just don't like it. If I posses all of the virtues listed above, am I really less of a man? Let us say someone is a "trekkie" or a "brony". If they have all of the virtues I listed above, do tv shows really make them inferior to other men? You know the expression "be a man"? Why not "be an adult" or "be a good person"?
Now lets deal with expectations for women.
There seems to be a stereotype about what a feminist woman looks like. She is typically depicted as an angry, pants-wearing person. Even if she sleeps with them, she does not trust men and lets them know what she thinks about them (and she has lots and lots of casual, pre-marital sex as well). If she is married to a man, she is married to a weakling who stays at home with the kids (unless she made the "evil" choice not to have them) she works to make money. But deep down, all she wants is to be swept off her feet by a stronger, "real" man who will leave her free to do what she truly wants deep down....what all women truly want apparently.....to be a stay at home mom. Oh, and she did not take her partner's last name.
First of all, most feminists are not angry, male-hating people who just want a stronger man. But that is not the main point (s) I want to make....
What is wrong with wearing pants? The point we feminists would make is that it doesn't matter if a woman wears a dress or wears pants. If she decides she wants to wear makeup, that's fine. But if she doesn't want to wear makeup, and/or cut her hair really short, that is an equally valid decision. There is no one "right" way to be a woman. And yet, it does feel like women who don't fawn over boys and makeup, women who don't have children, women who assert themselves when someone has wronged them...they are called "b----". (That brings up another point. It seems as though, subconsciously in many cases, we don't value assertiveness in our women, but teach them to be accommodating far more than we teach men to do so).
Next lets deal with sex. Contrary to what many people think, we feminists DON'T hate Christians with the opinion that a person should wait till they are married to have sex. There is no one central governing body of feminist philosophy that determines what all feminists believe on the subject. Some feminists are Christian and some are not, some believe premarital sex is ok, and some don't. The problem we have is when being a virgin becomes the most important thing a woman can be. Believing all people should wait to have sex till they are married? Cool. The rights of particular congregations and/or denominations/branch of Christianity or any other religion to kick people out for engaging in certain behaviors? That is, well, a right. However...
First of all, we don't like double standards that say it is, at worst, less bad for a man to have premarital sex than a woman. Secondly, if you believe premarital sex is wrong...what should the consequences be? Excommunication? Ok. That's the business of religious elders. But the rest of us? Do we get the right to bully women? To call them whores (there is no equivalent word in the English language that I know of for men who do the same things we call women whores for)? Should a girl be kicked out of her house or sent to reform school? If a girl or a woman has lots of other accomplishments under her belt, should the rest of us disregard those and stop being friends with a woman or girl who isn't a virgin? We feminists would say, no.
We would also argue that because beliefs about when the right time to have sex is are largely tied up with ones religious beliefs, it should be treated the same way we treat people converting to different religions. You wouldn't kick out your daughter for say, converting to a different religion or becoming an atheist,
right?
And to any men who wouldn't marry a girl because she wasn't a virgin...SHAME ON YOU!!! We feminists despise the notion that women have an extra responsibility to guard their virginity because "boys will be boys". As a man, to any man who tries to hide any amount of bad behavior behind the excuse of "I can't help it, I am a boy/man"...I say SUCK IT UP! Bothered that your wife is physically stronger than you, makes more money than you, or did not take your last name? DEAL WITH IT!
A word on the last point...I have heard a lot of criticisms of women who work and men who stay at home. Stuff like which partner works can only really be decided by the couple. They know what makes the most sense for their family financially. That is a decision best left to couples decide. AGAIN...ITS ALL ABOUT CHOICE, NOT A PARTICULAR LIFESTYLE! Some people say that if the man is the one who stays at home, children will be confused. If they are being raised with the virtues I have listed in this essay, if they are being molded into well-rounded, good people, I and my fellow feminists would argue it does not matter a whole lot.
Finally, I have heard some people talk about how men don't have many places any more where they can just "be men". How? What does it mean exactly to "be a man"? Are we talking about engaging in typically "masculine" activities? There are plenty of places to watch sports and to play in sports. A bunch of friends gathering to rough house? That is still acceptable. Men are not facing widespread employment discrimination. People can still gather with friends and talk about subjects that interest them. Again, what about men not interested in those typical interests? I admit that it feels like a lot of the complaints about how society is turning against men implies there is only one way to be a man, only one way to be a woman, and "womanly" things are just worth a little less than manly things.
Anyway, those are my thoughts? What do you think?
